I HATE THIS SHIT!

I am two seconds from losing my mind. Nothing is my life is goes right. I have no friends, my boyfriend doesn't like spending time with me, I am failing 3 classes and I am completely broke. As I go through all of this no one knows. I keep it to myself because no one really cares. I am in such pain right now I just want to be done. I just want it to be over. I hate being this depressed. But, I see no upside. Everything I set out to do I fail at. I fail at class, friendships and relationships. Why should I even try. It is going to end bad anyway. I hate being this way but nothing is getting better. It's like it gets better for a little while and then it turns back to crap. I can't keep going through this. I just want to go away. Far away from everybody. I am sick and tired of everything and everybody. I just want to be alone. I want everyone to leave so I can be exactly how a feel. I feel completely alone and helpless. So, I just want people to just stop faking it with me. Stop acting like they care when they don't. And stop pretending that they are interested in me when they aren't. Just leave me alone because you aren't making my situation better you are making it worst.

Changes

I feel like I have changed when it comes to our relationship. I have gotten to the point of not caring. It's not in a bad way but a good way. Yes, I will still like to be with him majority of the time, but if we arent I do care. I think my trust for him has grown. But, I am still afraid of us failing. But, I am goin to keep goin. If we don't work out there will be another I know that for sure. Not, to be cocky or anything, but from what has happened in the past there is away another. I never stay single for long so me finding another dude won't be hard lol. Right now, I just want to be with him no one else.

I Don't Want It To Be Over

I thought this was what I want be it turns out I was wrong

I want us back together happy and strong

These 2 years have been the best of my life

Sitting here waiting to find out cuts like a knife

I can't help but feel this is my fault

That I let me heart but locked up like a vault

I am really going to give it my all if you decide to stay

This is what I want I wish it may

If you feel that this isn't right

I will understand but for our friendship I will fight

As long as you are in my life I will be okay

But I hope and believe that you will stay

I Don't Know What To Do?

Our Anniversary is a week away and I feel farther from him then I every had before. I don't know what to do? Like, right now I am upset and hurt because for the last 2 years our entire relationship has been about him. Whatever he wants from me he gets, if doesn't want to be around me I give in, if he wants sex he gets it. I was even about to go broke for him all for his stupid xbox. I do everything for him. I never tell him no if he wants something he knows that I will say yes without even being convinced. Take this summer he cam back for summer break and told me he wanted a break and space so I agree. Then, the same day he comes back his check didn't come in and he needed 60 dollars to take his driving class. And, you know who gave it to him without him even asking me. And we were on a break, but that's how much I love and care for him. It's my own fault I just let him walk all over me and get what he wants and do what he wants. I guess my ex-friends were right.

Love is Scary

Well in 9 days it will be me and my boyfriends 2 year anniversary and I am scared out my mind. I can believe I have been with the same person for 2 years and I am not tired of him yet and he isn't plucking my last nerves. This could really be it but am I ready? I mean I know that we aren't getting married tomorrow but still this could be the person I spend the rest of my life will and I found him at 19. That's crazy! I know I should take it one day at a time but I can't help it I scared. I am scared that this could be it and I am scared that we could break up either way I am screwed. What to do, what to do. I know I just just chill or mack as he would say but the worry keeps coming in my mind. I don't know what to do. I don't want it to be weird but I am feeling a current way. I can't tell him this though it will ruin our anniversary. Maybe tomorrow when I see I will feel better but right now I am completely on edge.

Feels Good

Today feels like it going to be a good one. I don't know why but I feel kind of good today. It's a good thing to I have been down for the last few days, but now I feel good. I want to go shopping today, but I doubt it will happen cuz I have no car lol. But, anyway TODAY WILL BE AN AWESOME DAY!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I just want to scream! You every feel like you just want to let loose. Like, scream or punch the shit out of somebody. I just have so much anger in me right now. Most likely, because of the time of the year. I should be in a good mood because it is like 20 days til my 21st birthday. But, something happened about 2 year ago that has ruined it. I am so on edge I hate feeling this way. I keep thinking about it and thinking about it. I still remember the whole thing. Well, God won't put more on you then you can bare, but this is hard. I don't want to talk about it, think about it, or even recognized it happened. AHHHHHHH!!!!!