I Don't Want It To Be Over

I thought this was what I want be it turns out I was wrong

I want us back together happy and strong

These 2 years have been the best of my life

Sitting here waiting to find out cuts like a knife

I can't help but feel this is my fault

That I let me heart but locked up like a vault

I am really going to give it my all if you decide to stay

This is what I want I wish it may

If you feel that this isn't right

I will understand but for our friendship I will fight

As long as you are in my life I will be okay

But I hope and believe that you will stay

I Don't Know What To Do?

Our Anniversary is a week away and I feel farther from him then I every had before. I don't know what to do? Like, right now I am upset and hurt because for the last 2 years our entire relationship has been about him. Whatever he wants from me he gets, if doesn't want to be around me I give in, if he wants sex he gets it. I was even about to go broke for him all for his stupid xbox. I do everything for him. I never tell him no if he wants something he knows that I will say yes without even being convinced. Take this summer he cam back for summer break and told me he wanted a break and space so I agree. Then, the same day he comes back his check didn't come in and he needed 60 dollars to take his driving class. And, you know who gave it to him without him even asking me. And we were on a break, but that's how much I love and care for him. It's my own fault I just let him walk all over me and get what he wants and do what he wants. I guess my ex-friends were right.

Love is Scary

Well in 9 days it will be me and my boyfriends 2 year anniversary and I am scared out my mind. I can believe I have been with the same person for 2 years and I am not tired of him yet and he isn't plucking my last nerves. This could really be it but am I ready? I mean I know that we aren't getting married tomorrow but still this could be the person I spend the rest of my life will and I found him at 19. That's crazy! I know I should take it one day at a time but I can't help it I scared. I am scared that this could be it and I am scared that we could break up either way I am screwed. What to do, what to do. I know I just just chill or mack as he would say but the worry keeps coming in my mind. I don't know what to do. I don't want it to be weird but I am feeling a current way. I can't tell him this though it will ruin our anniversary. Maybe tomorrow when I see I will feel better but right now I am completely on edge.

Feels Good

Today feels like it going to be a good one. I don't know why but I feel kind of good today. It's a good thing to I have been down for the last few days, but now I feel good. I want to go shopping today, but I doubt it will happen cuz I have no car lol. But, anyway TODAY WILL BE AN AWESOME DAY!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I just want to scream! You every feel like you just want to let loose. Like, scream or punch the shit out of somebody. I just have so much anger in me right now. Most likely, because of the time of the year. I should be in a good mood because it is like 20 days til my 21st birthday. But, something happened about 2 year ago that has ruined it. I am so on edge I hate feeling this way. I keep thinking about it and thinking about it. I still remember the whole thing. Well, God won't put more on you then you can bare, but this is hard. I don't want to talk about it, think about it, or even recognized it happened. AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Just Thoughts

You ever feel like you just do and do all the time and no one appreciates it. I feel that. I feel like I just want to make it work, but maybe its doomed to fail. I don't know. Can I honestly say I want to be with this person for the rest of my life? It's a scared thought especially since I am only 20. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't know if I want to do it anymore. That is such a horrible thing to say. I love him there is no question about it I just want it to be nature no more trying to make it work, or changing things around to make it work I want it to be easy. Just chill and easy.

A Broken Heart

Have you ever felt like your heart was ripped from inside of you? That's how I feel right now. Me and my boyfriend fought tonight. And its not the fight itself that is bothering it the fact that I feel like I do nothing right. He is always having a problem with what I do and how I do things. It hurt that your significant other has a problem with you as a person. I love him so much there is no question about it but how can I be with someone who has a problem with who I Am?

Everything Happens For A Reason. Right?

So, about a week and a half ago I tried out for this Open Mic that this Sorority I want to join is throwing. I sung Chris Borwn's Crawl and I thought I did good. But, I got rejected. They are having another event on Monday and I am not sure if I should go. Because I feel like I embarrassed myself. Maybe I really can't sing and and they think I am crazy for even trying. I hate rejection. I don't know what to do.

LOL!!! This is my last one 2nite. I just have one more rant.

I absolutely can't stand his friends. They are so annoying. They need to grow the fuck up. They are always picking on me and they don't respect our relationship at all. They are always talking about other females around us and ask him to chime in and shit. Then, they try to get us to fight by saying shit like oooo he looking at another girl. They are just jealous cuz they are a lone and have no girlfriend. I wish he had different friends. He can do some much better then tho fucking loser/ rejects. I know I am being harsh, but I have been going through this shit for 16 months now and its annoying. And he is just so loyal to them I don't know why. Probably, because he is the only one that looks good out of them. Three of them are fat, one of them is tall with a huge lip, and the other smells like the inside of a trash can. OMG!!!!! They make me sick. Okay, I am done. Just had to get that off my chest.

Sweet Things

So, after I wrote my first blog I decide to surf the internet for some fun things to do. I found a website that gives you a list of things you can do for your boyfriend. Maybe if I start being sweet and doing things out of the ordinary then maybe he will too. You know like monkey see monkey do. Humm? Maybe this is the answer.

My First Blog

I created this blog so I can rant. So, everything I can't say or won't say to people or about people I can get out. Because I realize that I hold a lot I mean a lot of shit in and now I don't have to. Thank God. Because I feel like I am not me anymore. I want to just go somewhere and start over and change my name do stuff differently. But, its to late and I am honestly unhappy with my life right now. Yes, I have friends and a boyfriend who I love, but now it has all gotten BORING!!! I mean my friends are awesome and so is my boyfriend, but everything is so predictable. I mean my friends all have the same problems. And they all have to do with their boring ass boyfriend who I don't give a fuck about. And my relationship its been a great 16 months, but it is the same shit. Can we spice it up? I mean sexually and in everyday situations. Can we streak or make a sex tape or something. I mean damn we are all in college lets do some crazy shit. I don't know maybe I am asking for to much maybe I should tell them that. I mean there is more to life then volunteering and video games. That is their highlight of the week. My friends volunteering and go to the movies every weekend no parties no drinking really. THEY DO NOTHING. And my boyfriend video games is his highlight. ITS SOOOO GAY!!!! Well, I think I am done for 2day . Thanks for listening.